~There's A Place That I Know :: It's Not Pretty There and Few Have Ever Gone...~

When you just feel like you can't do anything right in real life and in fandom life.

I hate feeling like this, but there are times when I just want to give up the job because of the times when I don't feel like I'm good enough for what they want from me and then the other times when they want me to handle things that aren't fair to expect three people, let alone one person, manage on their own.

There are times when I want to give up the writing because I'm more than aware that there are other writers and readers that think my stuff is puerile and not well-written at all. That I'm only known because a fandom Goddess brought me in. That I only win any awards at all because of the popularity contest. And that everyone's just sick of seeing my stuff all the time. And then there's the fact that I'm second-guessing some of my choices lately as far as characterization and how much I trust my meta in the grand scheme of things [E, this isn't about you].

God help me.

I don't want to be that hack of a writer that everyone just reads because they feel like they have to. I don't want to be the one who stays too long at the party and everyone's sick of. And I sure as hell don't want to come across myself in freaking Fandom Secrets again. It may make me look gutless, but those two times still hurt. A lot.

I just...yeah.

It's just one of those days.

There are days that being a responsible adult with a conscience sucks. Epically. Especially when you really just want to run away and hide and escape into your writing world for a while.

Hanging out with Lo would be the best thing in the whole wide world today.

*siiiiigh*

It just doesn't pay to get out of bed. I think the epic DOOM CLOUD needs to find its way back to Gotham where it belongs. And my bunnehs need to stop shivering in the wet. I think I need to listen to a certain song off the soundtrack from The Crow right now. Mostly because I need the reminder. :(

*huge disgusted-with-self sigh*

When you have to clean the study and bedroom top-to-bottom every few weeks. Day-to-day maintenance works at times, but with a FIL underfoot and critiquing and four dogs, that just isn't good enough. So guess what I'm doing today? *sigh* At least we'll be working on Sessions tonight.    

I don't care if it's a tap-dancing Chihuahua. I have this awful feeling that I'm going to be a miserable basketcase when I get home. So comment with something, anything, happy. I'm going to need it.

But you're surrounded by people you know love you, but you feel alone and ignored? Even when they're there with you? Even if it's not really their fault? I seem to be having a lot of that lately. I never feel like this this time of year, but I think I have it in spades this time. I'll just be glad once the season's over, not that I really think that'll change things. *crosses fingers*

But if anyone has the time, tell me what you think of the last two chapters? I didn't get any reviews over here on the last one and this one has me nervous. I just want to make sure that they didn't suck and you know I get nervous about finales. *blinky eyes* I hate asking, but anxiety has me wanting to rewrite at this point. :(

Some mornings are truly a waste of good coffee and bagels. I may be a little start and stop the next few days. I'm starting to feel more than a crispy around the edges and drained even after all that sleep the other day. The chapter will be here on time, however.

I'm so sick of whining and crying like a baby lately. If I can just make it another three weeks until vacation, I should be fine. I hope.

There has to be a better way to earn a living.

Gone to Metropolis. Be back later.

Maybe.